is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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