the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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