i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
