you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
