Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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