I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I will be naked everywhere
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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