How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
