So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
