Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
