well I can't set my house on fire every night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
