Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
