RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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