Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
