Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
