problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
