Got a toothbrush?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need moral support for this bender
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
