I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
