She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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