We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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