Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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