problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
