I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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