i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
