True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
