she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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