My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
