There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
