you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
