that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
