i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
