im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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