You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
