Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
