a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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