And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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