i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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