Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
