Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
