Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
