I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
