You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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