Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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