I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
