I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
