i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
