Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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