Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you still have your period?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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