i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
