this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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