i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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