I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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